Garden Section: When the Randalls settled into their homestead in Richardson, they had no lawn. They had a yard full of potters clay. After a futile strip mining process carried out in search of fertile soil, enough floral nutrients were inter-diffused with the clay so that a lawn appeared viable. By early summer a lush carpet of green was established. By late summer a slight miscalculation (John's) of fertilizer dose resulted in a slight adjustment of the color of the lawn in the direction of the earth tones. Reseeding and a sprinkler system has corrected the situation.

The Munchkin Report: Ashley has just entered "The Terrible Twos". So far things are far from terrible with the exception of some occasional and really spectacular temper tantrums. Ashley now weighs 24 & 1/2 Lbs, is 2 ft 9 inches, and has finally grown some hair (quite a bit with curls too!) She has become fairly conversent readily informing us of: any airplanes boats or spider webs in the area, which objects are hers (everything), what noises tigers, alligators, and monkeys make, and immenent bowel movements. She has memorised the numbers 1-5, the first 7 letters in the alphabet, and all of the characters on Sesame Street.

Life in the Big City: When upper management at T.I. finally found out what John was up to, he was immediately "surplussed" (a polite term for: find something else to do). Valiant efforts by kind people who did not know any better resulted in John finding a position in T.I.'s Central Research Lab. He has joined an excellent group in Bob Bate's Laboratory where he will continue micro-fabricating. When this news reached New York, T.I.'s stock dropped immediately.

Home Improvements: Patrice has been working hard to beautify the house. She has made drapes for most of the rooms in the house, planted colorful flora in the exterior regions, finished the wood floor in the den, and has added two new major pieces of furniture. One piece is a large antique armoire (English circa 1870) which is being used to house John's ugly audio equipment. The other is a custom-made white sofa which no one other than Patrice may sit on, but Ashley dumps dirt on and Isis sleeps and sharpens her claws on.

The Relativity Report 86:
The Randalls & other guilty parties: John's Parents: The Geriatric Jet Set has settled down a bit, they have only been out of the country a few times this year. Bill has taken up carpentry and has constructed a tool shed. Vee has discovered that she needs to take care of her body and has been doing a good job. John's siblings: Mike has given up the glamorous life of a used car salesperson and has joined the firm of GOZORGUMPLATZ. Cindy, Bob, Shelly, Sunnye, & Brett ( The Finch Funny Bunch) are still running Gym USA. Cindy has been muscling her way towards Bodybuilding fame and fortune, placing in and winning several Exibitions of Musculature.

The Stepchinskis: Patrice's Parents: Eddie & Anita are enjoying retirement and taking life easy. Eddie bought a fancy new car and will sell his beloved pickup. Patrice's brothers: Patrick lives in his home in Baytown, but travels quite a bit in the line of duty. For those of you who wonder what a mech. engineer does for Exxon, Pat utilizes spectrum analyzers and other high tech gadgets to diagnose the ills of rotating machinery. This is done to make a science out of the art of: "I don't know Pat, the darned thing don't sound right." Nigel is still married to gorgeous Rhonda, and they are still both on Tooties cop patrol. Nigel recently took the lieutenants test and posted the second highest score of all who took the test. Way to go Nigel!

The Pet Report: Isis Randall a.k.a Ice-bucket ( the semi-domesticated family cat) has been able to continue her rigorous work out schedule. In fact she now has two workout facilitators. Not only does Ashley provide continual motivation for Isis's road work with constant squeals of "Want to hold kitty!" but Patrice also has taken up cat chasing (see Home Improvements Section concerning new Sofa).

Sporting Life: Look out Boris Becker. John finally won a match in an official tennis tournament. The score of the exciting first round match was 6-7, 6-4, 7-5. With thoughts of tennis glory screaming through his head, he confidently entered the second round only to be summarily dispatched 6-2, 6-1 by the only young lady to enter the tournament.

Publishers special offer: For those of you who feel that their dignity as individuals has been violated by this generic form of communication and would like more personallized interaction with us, we offer the following options: A Move to our neighborhood (there are lots of houses for sale nearby). B Come on by (be sure to come during visiting hours). C Give us a call (collect if you're broke). D Request to be placed on our "B" mailing list where you will recieve a Hallmark card containing a cheesy platitude and the message "Seasons greetings" personally written by one of us.

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