Its time once again for the Randalls Ian, Ashley, Patrice and John, to send out another cheap imitation of a Christmas newsletter written in a style best characterized as a cross between the Congressional Record and Dave Barry.

Ian has just turned two and definitely has the potential to be terrible. His favorite sport is food marksmanship. He can pelt preoccupied parents with partially-eaten produce projectiles with prodigous precision. Ian's hair is still blond but no longer curly. His spiraling locks fell victim to his first haircut. One of his best tricks is from a standing position to throw his feet into the air and drop straight on his bottom. He thinks this is terribly funny. He is selective about where he does this preferring soft surfaces to drop onto such as John's stomach.

Ashley has adapted well to first grade. She was her class's outstanding citizen, is on the honor roll, and won an award for her fire prevention poster. In spite of our best efforts we have been unable to find out who is attending class in her place. Ashley has become interested in all forms of animal life. Her most impressive study involved two fuzzy green catapillars which she captured single-handedly and imprisoned in a glass jar with some yummy leaves to eat. One wrapped itself in leaves and the other laid down and shriveled up. Several weeks later shortly after John said "I' m sorry Ashley but your two catapillars have died." there appeared two furry yellow moths with red spots on their tails and (we are NOT making this up) elephant markings on their wings.

Patrice got a sewing machine and a serger for her birthday and has gone berserk making things for us to wear. She has sewn outfits for everyone including a set of blue satin pajamas for John (very sexy). The sewing machine is so highly computerized that we had to prove Patrice had an engineering degree before they let us buy it. The serger on the other hand is a bizzare contraption with four gigantic spools of thread. When it runs, all of the threads snake through byzantine paths and it produces a sort of medieval cacaphony; however, Patrice has made use of the thing and produced some wonderful garments. Patrice also got a new jaw. It seems her old one didn't hold her teeth in the right place. We had a doctor use a hacksaw on it and put it back together with 6 stainless steel screws. Patrice is doing fine and will get all of the hardware out of her mouth in the spring (not the screws but the braces, she gets to keep the screws) .

John has had a busy year travelling to Cincinatti, Icki-yuck (Cornell), Santa Barbara, Seattle, and Washington (3 times!). He also appeared in San Mateo but only for a few pico seconds (tunneling joke). Last Christmas Patrice fullfilled one of John's lifelong dreams by buying him a monkey suit. So far John has been a Christmas Chimp, an Easter Ape, a Fourth of July (Sweating) Monster, a guest Gorilla, and really had fun on Halloween. John and Ashley have started going to Judo on Monday nights. Ashley has already been promoted to yellow belt. Kenny Patteson runs a kids class which is just about the right speed for both Ashley and John. The classes are a lot of fun except that Ashley keeps beating John in the semi-regular Sumo matches. By the time you read this (OK its late) John will have passed into his forth decade. Thats right, THE BIG FOUR O! John will undoubtably compensate for this by attempting to be even sillier.

Our House: Earlier reports that our den ceiling would be repaired were premature because the %#@~<>** Roof still leaks! We seem to have a problem with water. In addition to the roof, our shower self destructed, a new tree drowned, and our double pain windows collect water at a rate equal to the anual rainfall of several Central American countries.

We are saddened to report that long time friend Deanna Smith passed away this year. She was shot and killed by a deranged man who had no idea who she was. She was in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Relativity Report: In order to protect the innocent only the names of guilty persons will be included.
The Randall Report: Brother Mike and his wife Vicki have added a baby boy Cody Lee Randall to go along with their number one midget Kalli. Sister Cindy and the rest of the Finch Flock (husband Bob, Shelly, Kelsie, Sunnye, and Brett) have opened a second Gym USA location. Bill and Vee are losing count of how many grandchildren they have. Vee has had several more of her poems published and Bill received The Hanlon Award for outstanding contributions to the industry from the Gas Processing Association.

The Stepchinski Side: Brother Nigel has entertained childhood fantasies by winning motorcycle races. His wife Rhonda is in internal affairs (HPD) and is chasing there midget Caitlin who is now walking. Brother Patrick and wife Erica have still not finished their house in Baytown. They visited in August to become Ian's Godparents. Patrice's parents Eddie and Anita also came to visit us on Ian's Birthday.

David Leibs visited twice. Many important people did not visit us at all this year. While the list of the guilty is too long to print here we would like to publicly humiliate all of them (you know who you are!).

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