Geez, is it December? Time flies when you are having fun! Back in spite of an outcry for its complete elimination, it's another Randall's Christmas Newsletter.

A Lower Grade of Pest: Last year the Randall house was invaded by baby ducks. This year a lower class of vermin came to visit. We had a serious infestation of brown recluse spiders. These arachnids are sometimes fatal, always painful, and occasionally humorous. (Hey! Patrice! Guess what just dropped on your head?) They were eliminated only after draconian cleaning measures and a dozen visits by our local weak-pesticide wielding bug bombers.

Patrice Particulars: Patrice has taken up running, besides the time she spends chasing the Randall Midgets. Her main job is referee. She has also been writing some software for a small company. Although it was commissioned two years ago, it was in 1994 that a portrait of Patrice was finished. The artist was Bronson Charles. No, not the movie tough guy Charles Bronson, but Bronson Charles, a lovely and accomplished lady. Her second most famous work (just slightly behind her portrait of Patrice) is of George Bush and it hangs in the White House. We think the painting is lovely, but don't take our word for it, come by and judge for yourself.

John Junk: John has taken to playing basketball twice a week at TI. The reasons for this are unclear. At 5 ft. 8 with a 6 inch vertical leap, John is not physically well suited to this sport. On the other hand, his ball handling skills and shooting ability are pretty poor. We would not want to say that John scores infrequently, but when John actually sinks a shot, "Blind hog finds acorn!" is often heard. Once when John scored three times in one day, the other team claimed it was victimized by a "Blind Hog Barrage".

About Ashley: Ashley has just turned 10. She has quite diverse interests these days. Her three favorite things are horses, horseback riding, and things equestrian. She has taken English riding lessons as well as a week long western riding camp. She reports that she is now "cantering". We are not sure what this means but considering the amount of time, effort, money, and boot cleaning invested, we are sure that it is important. Ashley is continuing her study of Judo, is now an orange belt, and took another third place in a tournament. She was recently elected to the student council at her school.

Ian Info: Ian has just turned 5. No really! We are not making this up. He has started a new pre-school, the University of Gymnastics. He has become a Power Ranger. For quite a while he would only answer to the name "Tommy", while Patrice, Ashley, and John became "Trini", "Kimberly", and "Jason". Prior to Ian's birthday, Patrice also became a Power Ranger Stalker. No toy store aisle in a thirty mile radius escaped her vigilance. Ian discovered his cousin Caitlin in Houston and went on Dinosaur expeditions in her jeep.

Randall Rambling: The Randalls traveled to New Orleans this summer. There we took a paddle boat ride on the Mississippi, drank blackened voo doo beer, danced the Cajun jitterbug, and went on a swamp tour. Ashley thought that the hotel was only second class because her bathroom not only lacked a television, but it didn't even have a telephone. She only reluctantly upgraded her opinion, when we pointed out that the Veep (Al Gore) was also staying there. There was one defection during the trip. One of our teenage mutant ninja turtles (I think it was Rafael) decided that the New Orleans sewers were much more interesting than those back in Dallas. When our back was turned, he jumped from the third story and made his escape. Patrice and two hotel employees gave up after a two hour search. The Randalls also made it to Houston for Patrice's 20th class reunion. Patrice got to catch up on class gossip and a good time was had by all. John was a little disappointed that he did not win the silliest spouse award.

Tales of Texas Instruments: In a continuing effort to keep John out of the laboratory, TI sent him all over the place: Washington DC, Hawaii, Austria, New Orleans, New Mexico, Germany, New Hampshire, California, Arizona, and some other places John can't remember. This strategy has had mixed results. On one hand, TI's profits and shareholder value are way up. On the other, in spite of John's absence, numerous individuals, including Ace Theoretician Jim Luscombe, have left the laboratory. Shortly after John gave assurances that he would not be leaving, Laboratory director Dean Collins announced his departure.

Relativity Report
The Stepchinski Saga: Eddie and Anita have been busy making lots of friends in their neighborhood. Brother Patrick still lives in Baytown with Erica and their baby Leanne(1). Brother Nigel and love slave Rhonda conspired to give Patrice a large baby nephew. He goes by the name of Kyle Wayne (could be Cat Woman's last name if she and Batman's alter-egos get married). This gives Nigel a matched pair, Kyle and Caitlin, and continues a streak of adorable nieces and nephews.

The Randall Report: Bill and Vee are in Houston when they are not at their lake house or beach house. Vee gave us all a scare when she forgot if she had a garage and spent her time counting nonexistent bunny rabbits. It turned out to be a bad combination of prescription drugs. We are happy to report that she is her usual self once again. Bill can't make up his mind if he is retired or not. Sister Cindy is still busy with two Gym/Day-Care-Centers and her two offspring Shelly(11) and Kelsie(5). In her spare time she tries to collect money from former (embezzling) employees. Brother Mike has a new hip (his fourth) and has moved with his family Vicki (wife), Kalli(6) and Cody(3) to Minnesota.

<

Back to Randall Home Page. - - - 93 Letter - - - 95 Letter